Dear Straight Up, our advice column, gives you an unbiased opinion on problems you might be facing in your life. Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org!
Dear Straight Up,
I am deeply in love with a Sinhalese male whom I have been in a strong relationship for 4 years. I am Tamil and my mother is a strong believer of the caste system, marrying the same culture,religion etc etc. However she found out about our relationship and threatened to disown me. We are five years apart and he’s almost 30. His family is eagerly awaiting his marriage, but I am unable to get through with my mom. I may not be ready to settle down and marry, but I am ready to tell my parents about my relationship I’ve been hiding for 4 long years.
If your mother already knows then what is there to tell? Having said that, if you believe this relationship is right for you then you should fight for it. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is let your relationship be a testament that love surpasses any caste or colour. Having said that, if you are ready to tell your family, make sure that you are able to face any consequences as a result of your relationship and be 100% sure that your boyfriend is emotionally ready and mature enough to support you to face any rough roads ahead. I think it’s important to talk to your boyfriend about this and come up with ways you can handle any fall outs or difficult situations together and possible steps you both can take to help your mother move away from her ignorance and accept your relationship.
Another thing to keep in mind is try not to take anything negative your family says personally. They are a product of their generation and environment; hence their strong views with caste. They might never accept your boyfriend, but the sooner you can learn to not take things personally, the happier you will be in your relationship. Hopefully, you’ll get to the point where you’re so strong in who you are as a person, as well as a couple, that it won’t matter what your family, or other people in general, think.